The Press Conference this week that was put on by the Mormon Church (officially: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints, I will use “LDS”) was an unusual event. Some would call it historical, but really, it was the most unusual event. Was there a major announcement about prophecy or revelation? The last time the LDS Church held a Press Conference, it was to announce that President Gordon B. Hinckley had died, and that Thomas S. Monson was taking his place. I had a lot of different feelings about this Press Conference, and it took a few days to sort through them, and after a lot of conversation on Facebook and elsewhere about this, I thought it time for me to write about my experience as a Post-Mormon gay man, and then I will talk about the Press Conference and my thoughts on it in the next post (coming soon).
My Post-Mormon Story
I think it’s important to understand the nuance of my perspective. I’m not “ex-LDS”, I would say that I’m “post-Mormon”, and a gay one at that. To understand this background, I want to share my store with you. I joined the LDS Church in 1998, as a young, idealistic seeker, who found it a church where I was treated well, had a strong sense of community and identity, and it didn’t hurt that I made good friends there (which for a nerdy, intellectual kid like me in a small town, wasn’t easy). I was LDS, through and through, ordained a Deacon and Teacher (boys aged 12 are ordained as deacons, and at 14 are ordained Teacher), never got ordained as a Priest. To be honest, after I joined, I wandered. A lot. From LDS, I wandered on to the Jehovah’s Witnesses, on to “generic”evangelical Christianity, to ISKCON, to Tenrikyo (a new [~1830s] monotheistic Shinto sect). It was during my study abroad experience, that I came to understand why I wandered. I was trying to sort out my sexual orientation, and the way that manifested was me wandering to different religious groups seeking fulfillment. Since then, I’ve kind of settled, bouncing somewhere between Buddhism and Christianity (in the wonderfully odd, yet to me intellectually stimulating place, right now of being an Episcopalian and Vajrayana Buddhist).
In all of my wandering, I had never felt the need to formally “cut” ties with any of the religious organizations that I wandered through. In those places, I learned what I needed to learn, and I remain immensely grateful for all of the Kyoshi’s, Swamis, Ministers, Priests, and all the generous people who took me under their wing to teach me what their traditions had to offer. But when I came home, I felt the need to cut ties with the LDS Church. As a gay man, who didn’t want to live life alone, partnerless and celibate, I was at a place where I felt that there really was no way that I could be part of the LDS church anymore. I read, and I understood the Church’s teaching very well. I read parts of In Quiet Desperation, before I had to stop for my own safety and mental health. And I finally wrote the letter, and I renounced my baptism, confirmation and Priesthood.
My letter to my Bishop was very straightforward. There was no slamming or bashing of Joseph Smith, the Book of Mormon, or the LDS Church’s claims to being Christian. It was a letter in which I stated that there was no way I could make a healthy life for myself and remain inside the Church. As is custom and expectation when one sends a letter of resignation to the Church, the Bishop requests a meeting. Many don’t consent to this meeting, and the resignation goes into effect. But I met with my Bishop. And that is perhaps the meeting where I became post-Mormon, instead of ex-LDS. My Bishop asked me why I wanted to resign. I explained it as I did in my letter. My Bishop did something very important. He told me that my reasons for leaving, although regrettable, were valid. He told me that the Church would be missing a valued member, but he understood that for my mental, spiritual and physical health, I had to leave. He reminded me that although the LDS Church believes it is the “only true church”, the Church also recognizes truths in other religious and spiritual paths, no matter how imperfect, and the LDS Church believes that people are free to practice whatever faith they choose, or none, and that though probably not official policy, he said that the LDS Church isn’t right for everyone. Then, we ended our meeting, and like every good Mormon meeting, we shook hands. Mormon men don’t hug, we shake hands. Far from being a sign of distance, in the LDS world, shaking hands is a sign of honor and respect for each other. We disagreed on things, but we also understood each other, maintaining the integrity of our positions. But one thing I did feel at that meeting was the Bishop’s love for me, not in some mushy sense, but actual “agape”, a love grounded in dignity, respect and honor for me as a human being, and as a child of God.
So that’s why I still very much respect the LDS Church. The fact remains that the LDS families instill (at least for the most part) values of honesty, preparedness, respect, dignity and honor in their children, and the LDS church practices what it preaches. It is, in my estimation, one of the very few (if not only) religious communities that has established its own complete infrastructure for disaster relief and caring for members and non-members in need. Though, like anything, the Church isn’t perfect. But it’s worth noting that when the situation in the war of East Timor got really violent and deadly, all the NGOs left, except for one: the Church of Jesus Christ of Latter Day Saints. When Katrina hit the coast of New Orleans, the local LDS community were right alongside local first responders, with a Bishop’s storehouse stocked with satellite phones, emergency generators, food, blankets, medicine, and more to care for the local community. It’s not just an effort to convert the masses, it’s a genuine desire to help. So I may not be “religiously” LDS anymore, but I like to think of myself as culturally Mormon, and just happen not to be part of the majority religion of Mormons (the LDS Church).
Phos Zoe 